{"id":1089,"date":"2021-03-04T10:11:00","date_gmt":"2021-03-04T10:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/virtualspeech.co\/?p=1089"},"modified":"2024-07-10T15:07:38","modified_gmt":"2024-07-10T15:07:38","slug":"learning-to-say-no","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/blog\/learning-to-say-no","title":{"rendered":"Learning to Say No: Six Methods You Can Use"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p>Many people struggle to say no to friends or at work when they are given additional tasks because we like to please and be seen as capable. But if you have too many demands and no more capacity available you should say no.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Try not to feel guilty because it means that someone else can dedicate the right amount of time and attention to the task. Assertiveness can be used in a variety of ways to confidently and reasonably say &#8220;no&#8221;.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">The effects of&nbsp;not&nbsp;saying &#8220;no&#8221;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>If you always agree to tasks when you actually want to decline then you&#8217;re likely to feel angry towards the other person even though they haven&#8217;t done anything wrong.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You may become gradually more frustrated with yourself.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>By taking on more demands than you can cope with you become overwhelmed and very stressed.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>This can all lead to experiencing depression and\/or anxiety.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Unhelpful beliefs prevent you from saying &#8220;no&#8221;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>As you grow up your experiences teach you that you can&#8217;t always decline requests. You may end up with unhelpful beliefs about saying &#8220;no&#8221; which increase the difficulty of you saying it. For example, you may think that saying &#8220;no&#8221;:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Is rude and hostile<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Is against my belief of always trying to please everyone<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Will upset others<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Is nasty and selfish<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Will cause them to dislike me<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Helpful beliefs<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>Consider these beliefs if you&#8217;ve noticed you experience any unhelpful ones holding you back from declining requests:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>By saying &#8220;no&#8221; I&#8217;m declining the request and not rejecting the person.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>When I say &#8220;yes&#8221; to one thing, I&#8217;m actually saying &#8220;no&#8221; to something else.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>I have the right to share my opinions even if they differ from others&#8217;.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>The other person is unlikely to take it badly and they&#8217;ll most likely understand.<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>If people have the right to request, I have the right to decline.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-embed is-type-rich is-provider-embed-handler wp-block-embed-embed-handler wp-embed-aspect-16-9 wp-has-aspect-ratio\"><div class=\"wp-block-embed__wrapper\">\n<iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"The Art of Saying No: Kenny Nguyen at TEDxLSU\" width=\"1220\" height=\"686\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/FtPRrn5nwAo?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe>\n<\/div><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p><strong>The Art of Saying No: Kenny Nguyen at TEDxLSU<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Noted entrepreneur and presentation expert Kenny Nguyen passionately speaks about the power inherent in saying &#8220;no.&#8221; The CEO of Big Fish Presentations, Kenny speaks about how &#8220;no&#8221; has affected him personally and professionally, but more importantly, how it can prepare one for the perfect time to say yes.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h3 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Six ways of saying &#8220;No&#8221;<\/h3>\n\n\n\n<p>The psychologist Trevor Powell describes six ways of saying no &#8211; you choose which one to use depending on the situation:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">1. The direct &#8220;no&#8221;<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>When you\u2019re asked to do something you don\u2019t want to do or you can\u2019t do you just say &#8220;no&#8221; e.g. &#8220;I can\u2019t do that.&#8221; The aim is to say &#8220;no&#8221; without feeling that you have to apologize. It\u2019s the other person\u2019s responsibility so don\u2019t feel like you have to take responsibility for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">2. The reflecting &#8220;no&#8221;<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>This is when you acknowledge the content and sentiments of the request and then assertively refuse at the end.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>&#8220;I understand that you want me to be there but I can\u2019t attend.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">3, The reasoned &#8220;no&#8221;<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>This is where you provide a brief but honest reason for your answer.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>&#8220;I can\u2019t attend the meeting because I have lots of deadlines this week so I have no time.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">4. The raincheck &#8220;no&#8221;<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>This is not an absolute &#8220;no&#8221; &#8211; it\u2019s a way of saying no to the request currently but means you can say yes in the future. You should only use this if you want to genuinely meet the request.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>&#8220;I don\u2019t have time today but I could make sometime next week.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">5. The enquiring &#8220;no&#8221;<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>This is again not an absolute &#8220;no&#8221;. In this technique you open up the request to see if there is an alternative.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>&#8220;My schedule is full for today, maybe there\u2019s someone else in the team that could help?&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">6. The broken record &#8220;no&#8221;<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>If the person initially does not accept your &#8220;No&#8221;, then keep repeating yourself. It can be used in a wide range of situations and it is especially useful for persistent requests.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\">\n<li>Requester: &#8220;Could you please take my place in the meeting today?&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You: &#8220;Unfortunately I can\u2019t attend the meeting because I\u2019ve got lots of work to get through today, perhaps there\u2019s someone else you can ask.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Requester: &#8220;I\u2019ve asked a few people already, maybe you could just go for the first half an hour?&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You: &#8220;I know that it\u2019s important but I won\u2019t be able to go this time as I really need to finish this work today and I don\u2019t have any spare time.&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>Requester: &#8220;Not even for 15 minutes?&#8221;<\/li>\n\n\n\n<li>You: &#8220;I need all my time to focus on this work.&#8221;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n\n\n\n<p>Remember that you have the right to voice your opinions and if you really struggle to say &#8220;no&#8221; it\u2019s likely that you\u2019re overestimating the difficulty the other person will have in accepting your refusal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div style=\"position: relative; width: 100%; height: 0; padding-top: 375.0000%;\n padding-bottom: 0; box-shadow: 0 2px 8px 0 rgba(63,69,81,0.16); margin-top: 1.6em; margin-bottom: 0.9em; overflow: hidden;\n border-radius: 8px; will-change: transform;\">\n  <iframe loading=\"lazy\" style=\"position: absolute; width: 100%; height: 100%; top: 0; left: 0; border: none; padding: 0;margin: 0;\"\n    src=\"https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.canva.com&#x2F;design&#x2F;DAFN_TSmfOk&#x2F;view?embed\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\" allow=\"fullscreen\">\n  <\/iframe>\n<\/div>\n<a href=\"https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.canva.com&#x2F;design&#x2F;DAFN_TSmfOk&#x2F;view?utm_content=DAFN_TSmfOk&amp;utm_campaign=designshare&amp;utm_medium=embeds&amp;utm_source=link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Learning to Say No<\/a> by Izaskun Olarreaga\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Many people struggle to say no when they are given additional tasks because we like to please and be seen as capable. This article explains 6 simple methods you can use to say no to people.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":1090,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1089","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-soft-skill-training"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1089","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1089"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1089\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2258,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1089\/revisions\/2258"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1090"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1089"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1089"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/virtualspeech.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1089"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}